Where I Stood
by DesperateMinds
Summary: Garcia and Morgan share feelings through song lyrics, until Garcia becomes overwhelmed by her need for him.  Morgan takes some initiative and a little creativity to explain what she means to him.  Somewhat AU, songfic.


A/N: Fluffiest piece of writing I've ever done - must be all the coffee! Flames unnecessary as self-esteem is no longer tied to filler writing done between papers. Hope you enjoy a bit of Derek/Penelope goodness!

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make any profit from Criminal Minds. Song lyrics from "The Scientist" belong to Coldplay and "Where I Stood" to Missy Higgins. They are merely borrowed and appreciated and I highly recommend readers who enjoy the songs to purchase them on iTunes or some such medium. **

Maybe it would be weird to other people. For Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan, though, music could be the language of the heart. While she couldn't remember the exact date, Penelope would never forget the first time she'd found a letter filled with his careful penmanship.

He had done something incredibly stupid, as usual, and she swore this time she would never forgive him. She had been good to her word for a few days, refusing to speak to him or answer his texts. Then one morning she had sat down in with her babies and discovered an ivory envelope with her name scrawled elegantly across it. What kind of girl could refuse to open something so romantic? Certainly not the gooey-hearted, emotional Penelope Garcia. Inside was a piece of parchment covered with the lyrics to Coldplay's "The Scientist." Her eyes had filled with tears as she heard the song playing in the back of her mind while reading.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry – you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh let's go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails, heads on a science apart._

The letter sat on top of a thick stack in her special drawer, right next to a picture of her parents taken the year before they died. She'd often joked the key to that drawer was really the key to her heart. Now she took a shuddering breath and pulled out the box of stationary nestled into the drawer's corner to begin what might well be her final letter.

Coming to this point had been a rocky journey of laughter and tears, but sitting there now all she felt was emptiness. Maybe it had started with her shooting or when Derek tried to ignore her advice about getting too involved with a victim's sister. It could certainly have been New York and his near death stunt or the look in his eyes when she saw him at the pig farm from hell in Canada. Whenever or however it happened, Alaska had been the moment when Penelope realized she no longer had any sense of herself without Derek. Her relationship with Kevin on the rocks and slipping further away, her trust in her own self-sufficiency diminishing, Penelope placed the purple fountain pen against the paper and willed the tears away. It would be finished before she went home and he could find it on his desk in the morning while she began her week of vacation – a last ditch attempt to keep Kevin from leaving and her life from falling apart.

Months later, Derek Morgan sat in his desk chair in front of a pile of letters written on homemade pink stationary with purple ink. After hours of reading, he had reached the last one in the pile, one he knew by heart. He hadn't written one since he found it on his desk all those months ago. Lifetimes ago. Sighing, he picked it up and read her loopy handwriting as his fingers ghosted across the paper. Maybe it was just in his head, but it almost still smelled like her.

_Dear Derek,_

_You've always been my rock. But lately, I've forgotten how to stand on my own feet. If you really care, you'll let me try._

"_I don't know what I've done or if I like what I've begun. But something told me to run and honey, you know me – it's all or none. There were sounds in my head, little voices whispering that I should go and this should end, oh and I found myself listening. 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you, all I know is that I should. And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you, all I know is that I should. 'Cause she will love you, more than I could – she who dares to stand where I stood._

"_See, I thought love was black and white, that it was wrong or it was right. But you're not leaving without a fight and I think I am just as torn inside. 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you, all I know is that I should. And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you, all I know is that I should. 'Cause she will love you, more than I could – she who dares to stand where I stood._

"_And I won't be far from where you are, if ever you should call. You mean more to me than anyone I've ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you, 'This is what I have to do…'_

"'_Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you, all I know is that I should. And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you, all I know is that I should. 'Cause she will love you, more than I could – she who dares to stand where I stood. Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood."_

_Love,_

_Penelope_

He'd given her space, just as she'd asked. Because he cared about her more than anything in the world, something he prayed she already knew. Everything felt different now. He had heard from the office gossip she and Kevin had endured a huge falling out but he didn't go to her. The only time they were really themselves was while he worked cases. It seemed the farther apart they were in distance, the closer he could get to her emotionally. Eventually, though, they would come back to Quantico and the wall would come back up. Watching her take care of Ellie, however… His heart twisted inside him. He wanted her back.

Wearing his heart on his sleeve had never been Derek's style. That's how the lyric exchange had begun in the first place – using someone else's words to explain his feelings had been safe enough. This time, he really needed her to hear. Reaching into his own drawer for the ivory stationary he kept just for her and uncapping his blue pen, Derek sent up another prayer that this would be enough to get through.

Penelope collapsed into her chair, moaning into the cup of coffee that would hopefully get her through the day. They felt harder than usual these days. Watching Derek and Ellie as he coaxed her into trusting her mom again had torn Penelope to pieces. He was such a good man, and she was starting to think she might have been crazy to send him away. But she would live with her consequences rather than complicate his life any more. That's when she saw the envelope on her keyboard.

His first letter in months. Her breath caught in her throat as her fingertips trailed across the smooth paper. Trembling a little, she carefully pulled open the envelope and extracted the letter inside. Immediately she began tearing up as she read his measured handwriting.

_Dear Penelope,_

_I've given your letter a lot of thought and I think there's really only one thing I can say in response. I hope you'll hear me out._

"_I don't know what I've done, but I don't like what you've begun. Something tells me not to run and honey, you know me it's all or none. There are sounds in my head, little voices whispering that I can't go and let this end and I find myself listening. 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you, and I don't think that I could. All I know is I can't stand another hand upon you, and I don't think that I should. 'Cause he can't love you more than I could – he who dares to stand where I stood._

"_See I know love ain't black and white, it can be wrong while it is right. So I'm not leaving without a fight 'cause I think you are just as torn inside. 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without, and I don't think that I could. All I know is I can't stand another hand upon you, and I don't think that I should. 'Cause he can't love you more than I could – he who dares to stand where I stood._

"_And I'm never far from where you are, whenever you should call. You mean more to me than anyone I've ever loved at all. Well you've taught me to trust myself, and so I say to you, 'This is something I must do.' _

"'_Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you, and I don't think that I could. All I know is I can't stand another hand upon you, and I don't think that I should. 'Cause he can't love you more than I could – he who dares to stand where I stood. Oh, he who dares to stand where I stood."_

_I love you, Penelope._

_Derek_

Hearing a noise in the doorway, she shifted to look, barely conscious of the tears streaming down her face. Derek stood propped against the doorway, his face unusually vulnerable as he watched her. The letter fell to the floor as he took a tentative step forward and she launched herself at him. His arms wrapped around her and his mouth found hers in an eager kiss, many years overdue.

"It turns out I'm no one without you," she murmured against his lips.

He chuckled weakly in return and said between kisses, "Baby girl, you've been the best part of me since the day I saw you. No one else is standing here ever again. Promise?"

"It's a deal, hot stuff."

Joyful laughter rang throughout the hallway as Derek Morgan swung Penelope Garcia in circles of sheer bliss.


End file.
